My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
