Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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