i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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