I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
