You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Randomize
