Im at strip club and am horny
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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