Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
