I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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