Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
