he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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