Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
