I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
