Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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