i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
