If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
