I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
