what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
