Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
