dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
