You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
