Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
