She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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