Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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