he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
