I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
