You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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