also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
