I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize