Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
