imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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