Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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