And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
