so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
