My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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