Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
