If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
