god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
