Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
