Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
