The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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