I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
