fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
