I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
