just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
then he tried to convert me to islam
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
