Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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