Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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