i think my tv is drunk
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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