My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
