If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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