nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
from now on my penis is your penis
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
