We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize