I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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