history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
