wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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