Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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