they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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