yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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