I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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