The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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