Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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