the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
