How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My ATM looks so different sober.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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