We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is it penis luge time yet?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
