Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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