kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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