he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
