I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
